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A black-on-white typed poem titled "How to Avoid Mixing Your Metaphors". It reads: "It's not rocket surgery. First, get all your ducks on the same page. After all, you can't make an omelette without breaking stride. Be sure to watch what you write with a fine-tuned comb. Check and re-check until the cows turn blue. It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake. Don't worry about opening up a whole hill of beans: you…

A Poem About Not Mixing Metaphors, Mixing Metaphors

A poem by Brian Bilston that gives advice on avoiding mixed metaphors while mashing idioms together. A treat for anyone who sat through English class grammar lessons.

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A black-on-white typed poem titled "How to Avoid Mixing Your Metaphors". It reads: "It's not rocket surgery. First, get all your ducks on the same page. After all, you can't make an omelette without breaking stride. Be sure to watch what you write with a fine-tuned comb. Check and re-check until the cows turn blue. It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake. Don't worry about opening up a whole hill of beans: you…

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A text-only list of grammar and literary jokes that each begin with something walking into a bar. Examples: "A bar was walked into by the passive voice." "An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening." "A dyslexic walks into a bra." "A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony." Black text on a off-white textured background: "What's the difference between a kleptomaniac and a literalist? The literalist takes things literally. The kleptomaniac takes things, literally." Screenshot of a Tumblr thread. User marcvscicero writes: "writing style: author from the 1800s with a severe love of commas whose sentences last half a page". User fencer-x replies: "I came out here, to this point, to this place, hoping against all hope and despite signs and portends suggesting otherwise that I might, somehow, find myself having a pleasant experience, and yet here I stand, alone against the world,… A light gray band across a dark gray background holds centered black text: "The poem, the song, the picture, is only water drawn from the well of the people, and it should be given back to them in a cup of beauty so that they may drink - and in drinking understand themselves." Photo of a wide concrete staircase with a metal handrail, outdoors beside rocks and shrubs. The right side of the steps tapers off into a dirt slope. A red hand-drawn circle surrounds the top-right steps, with red text reading: "What's the point???" Photo of a book page titled "A Franciscan Benediction" with red hand-drawn bracket lines in the corners. Text: "May God bless you with discomfort / At easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships / So that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger / At injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, / So that you may work for justice, freedom and peace. May God bless you with…

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